Fantastic Snore

I wanted Fantastic Four to be good. I wanted it to be good so badly that I went and saw it despite the 9% on Rotten Tomatoes and the 27% on Metacritic. Critics can be uptight and fail to recognize when a movie is fun, focusing only on what makes it bad. I was hoping to see this movie and bring to light the good in it.  The problem was, there wasn’t anything good about it. Here’s my review.

2005’s Fantastic Four and 2007’s Rise of the Silver Surfer, despite all their flaws, still had some parts that were fun and enjoyable. The cast was great and the action was fun to watch. 2015’s Fantastic Four makes me want to got back and watch those. Hell, I’d rather watch a double feature of Daredevil and Green Lantern than watch this version of Fantastic Four again.  Someone needs to sit down with 20th Century Fox and tell them that when they want to reboot one of their failed Marvel franchises that they need to stop doing origin stories. It’s okay to jump right into the action. This movie clocks in at 1 hour and 40 minutes and action doesn’t really pick up until about the 1 hour and 20 minute mark. I’m saying that a movie without action can’t be good, I’m saying that when you have a shitty movie, action and effects are all you have left.

Fantastic Four was boring from start to finish and it lacked fun of any sort. The jokes were predictable and cliche and failed to get a laugh from anyone in the theater. Like I’ve already said, the action came very late in the movie so there wasn’t anything flashy to distract me from all the bad writing and poorly used actors.  I say poorly used instead of bad because these aren’t bad actors, they’ve all done good work before. They just weren’t right for this movie. In fact, I don’t think anyone was right for this movie. You could bring Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh back from the dead and even they couldn’t have saved it. I know, I know, they’re different actors from a different time blah blah blah, I’m making a point. The acting sucked but I don’t think it was their fault.

I think Fox should give up on Fantastic Four and either give it to Marvel/Disney or just stop all together. They’ve had 3 tries and still can’t get Doctor Doom right. He’s not only the arch-nemesis of the Fantastic Four but one of the best super villains in comic book history. The movies tend to overlook his two best powers. His super intellect and his diplomatic immunity and I’m not even listing his strength, electricity manipulation, and hand to hand combat prowess .  This version of Doctor Doom was terrible. While he was smart he was more of a spoiled brat than anything else. His anger towards the world comes out of nowhere and he utters a few stale lines to explain why he’s gone off the deep end. To top it all off he doesn’t even play a big role. Victor Von Doom does, mind you, but the shrouded metal version hardly has any screen time.

I’ve tired of this review already. I’m going to keep this short. I’d much rather talk about movies I like. I have more to say about them. Fantastic Four was a sad shadow of a comic book movie. It was truly awful and I argue that it’s going to go down as one of the worst comic book movies of all time. It had no soul, had no real plot, and was the biggest waste of money I’ve seen in a long, long time. At least Pixels had a one enjoyable scene. 

Fantastic Four gets a 2 out of 11.